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[April the 23rd, 2008 - 10:01 PM] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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It's been one hell of a week. Rougher than I'm used to. I don't like being in charge of her. I hate it. I'd much rather be back in Paris doing my own thing but since mom and dad are gone, I have to take care of her. It's something that's been taking a whie for the both of us to get used to. I set rules and all she does is break them. Even if it's the smallest thing, she fights me on it.
She didn't come home Friday.....She didn't come home Saturday either. On Saunday afternoon she walked through the door and went right to her room to take a shower. It didn't do any good. I could smell the alcohol, cigarettes and weed on her clothes. She reeked of it. Almost like it was the only thing she did all weekend. She wouldn't tell me where she was or who she was with. It was all I could do to get her to come out of her room and eat dinner that night.
I'm done fighting with her. I just can't fucking do it anymore.
School's letting out for the summer soon and a job offer came in from Paris for me to go there and teach for the summer then came back to the US when the fall semester starts.
I think I'm taking it.
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[April the 2nd, 2008 - 12:28 AM] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
private
Since mom and dad died and I started taking care of Catholic, my life has been predictable, almost to a fault. I get up during the week, Catholic and I go to school and then she goes one way I go the other. I stand up and teach a group of kids a language none of them are probably ever going to use but hey, knowing a second language looks good on a college application. I come home, Catholic and I eat dinner together but then she usually locks herself in her room and I sit in the office, working on lessons for the rest of the week and grading papers.
Predictable. To a fault.
But on Thursday, I did something quite unpredicatable. I called in till the weekend and crawled into the tiniest car known to man and drove to Mexico to see an armless, legless woman. Driving? Not me. No, again, in an unpredicatable fashion, with a woman I barely know.
I told Catholic she was responsbile to go to school and be home at a reasonable hour. I knew she wouldn't listen but I didn't really care. I didn't care at all. I just wanted to get away from it all. From all the monotiny that started controling my life. When I lived in Paris, sure I taught during the week but I still set my own hours. It's horrible but it wasn't unsual for me to come in to teach hungover or sometimes still drunk. It amazes me they never fired me.
But when mom and dad died, it changed. I had to grow up. I had to be the responsible one. I had to make sure she isn't out there doing the shit I want to be doing.
And it sucks. And so I ran away for a few days.
And Abby. In a city that's full of phony people, it's refreshing as hell to meet someone who really doesn't care what other people think. She's living life being herself and not worrying what anyone else is thinking of her.
And she's great in bed.
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[February the 28th, 2008 - 3:07 PM] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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My sister is pimping me out. As much as I adore the female species, I don't really have time for social visits. Between dealing with mom and dad's estate, teaching and doing lesson plans and making sure that Catholic is going to class like she's supposed to be, I don't have any fucking free time.
private
I don't blame them. Them dying wasn't anything they could control but I just wasn't ready to be saddled with all this responsibility. Why couldn't they send Catholic to live with Aunt Jean and Uncle Kyle. Mom's sister would be able to do a better job at raising Catholic than I can.
She's out of control and I don't know what to do.
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| OOC |
[February the 24th, 2008 - 9:52 PM] |
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mood |
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 excited |
] |
Keep an eye out for a pb change!
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| 002. |
[January the 23rd, 2008 - 2:10 PM] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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Heath Ledger died yesterday. Given that, Catholic has refused to come out of her room or go to school for the rest of the week. She claims she doesn't know how her heart can go on knowing the world has been deprived of such a wonderful man and actor. Don't get me wrong. I think Heath was an excellent actor and I was really looking forward to seeing his take on the Joker. The critics are saying he did an amazing job of it. And yes, I'm sad he's gone. But his death is no reason for my seventeen year old little sister to skip school.But in the end, she won because otherwise I would have been late for work and me still being new, I didn't think it was a good idea to be late.
Classes are...interesting. Days are long and the work just seems to be piling up. I neve rhad a problem making sure lesson plans were ready when I was teaching in Paris. The ssons just came naturally. It seemed easy to arrange lessons for kids who were trying to learn English. I know English. First language and everything. I can speak fluent French, don't get me wrong. Just teaching other people French as a second language instead of English has proven a bit harder than I thought.
Keely - When you get back to LA, give me a call. Maybe we can do dinner instead of coffee?
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| 001. |
[January the 6th, 2008 - 11:13 PM] |
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mood |
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 introspective |
] |
Mom and dad are gone. Hell, they've been gone a month and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I guess it just goes to show you there are some things you can't really prepare for.
Having to move home to take care of Cat was not something I'd planned with my life. You know, mom and dad weren't on the way out the door and I guess I always figured they'd be the ones to raise her. Not me. I'm not fit to be anyone's role model. Mom was always quick to tell me what an extravagant life I led. Hey, it was Paris. I think I'm allowed to be decadent. Mom'd always laugh when I told her that.
Cat isn't doing so well with their death. She tries to just pretend like it doesn't hurt her. She pretends like it's just life as normal and nothing even happened. I'm worried about her. As much as it hurts to know mom and dad are gone, it hurts to see her in so much pain and to know she doesn't think she can trust me.
I got a job though. Teaching french at some school in LA. I enrolled Catholic there. I think the change in pace might do her some good. Either that or make my life really fucking difficult. Let's hope it's not the later of the two.
-Baptist
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